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How To Verbally Overcome Resistance: Be A Hypnotic Communicator


By Adam Eason

Recently Wholesale Mike White Jersey , I ran a seminar in central London. After the first day, from where I was I could see out in to the hotel reception area where a lady was requesting to keep her room for several hours after check-in the next day as her husband was ill. She wanted him to rest until nearer their flight time; rather than hang out in the city.

The receptionist kept on giving her all the excellent reasons why this was not possible. The lady listened respectfully and then kept coming up with even more compelling and articulate responses.

I watched her be charming and articulate while also being logical and practical. Without ever being rude or pressurised, she hung on in there, pursuing her desired outcome. Finally, the receptionist gave her a conceding smile and said "Ok, you are the winner here, aren't you?"

How did she get what she wanted? Because she was flexible enough to keep offering varying behaviours and new conversational stances until the receptionist was unable to keep up with the thrust and parry of the disucssion for a second longer.

You can't keep thumping and bullying someone into understanding your point of view. At least Wholesale Dalton Schultz Jersey , not if you want a progressive outcome that is good for all concerned. The best communication tends to come from those that have a good persistent, genuine, regardful flexibility. For many people, flexibility does not come naturally or easily. I know what it is like; sometimes we can be so sure that we are right about something, can't we?

Many people consider resolving an argument or discussion as something that is like verbal boxing. They bash and thump their way through an argument (with lots of those Batman-style 'Kapows' and 'Ker-runchs') until they get what they want. When you look at more artistic models of oriental martial arts, such as the form of t'ai chi, you see that the idea is not to overcome or overpower force Wholesale Dorance Armstrong Jr. Jersey , but to parry and redirect it - not to meet force with force, which is a bit brutal. Instead, you learn to align yourself with the force directed your way and guide it in a new direction. That is what the lady in the hotel did so wonderfully.

One thing I learned from the field of NLP when I first studied it was the notion that there is no such thing as a resistant person: There are only inflexible communicators. I really rather like that idea.

Here is what I think about that particular ever-present, three letter word - "but." Yuck!

Often used unconsciously and automatically, it can be one of the most problematic words in the English language. If someone says "That's true, but聟" What are they saying? They are actually saying it is not true or maybe they think it is irrelevant!

The word but tends to negate everything that was said before it. How do you feel if someone says to you that they agree with you, but聟?
What if you simply substitute the awful word "but" for the word "and" instead? Yeeaahh Wholesale Michael Gallup Jersey , that's better isn't it? What if you say, "that is true, and here is something else that is also true"? Or, "That's an interesting point, and here's another way to think about that." In both cases, you start with agreement. Instead of creating resistance, you've created an avenue of redirection.

Now Wholesale Connor Williams Jersey , just as there are phrases and words in your life that automatically trigger feelings of hostility or resistance, there are also ways to communicate that keep people amicable, agreeable, engageded and open.

For example, what do you think would happen if you had a communication tool you could use to communicate exactly how you felt about an issue, without compromising your integrity in any way, and yet you never had to disagree with the person either? Would that be a pretty powerful tool? Well Wholesale Leighton Vander Esch Jersey , here it is:

It consists of a series of phrases that anyone can use in any communication to respect the person you are communicating with, develop lots of nice rapport, share with them your point of view, and yet never resist their point or opinion in any way. You see, without that kind of resistance, there can be no conflict.

Here are a sample of those type of phrases:
"I appreciate that聟 and聟"
"I respect that聟 and聟"
"I agree聟 and聟"

Of course, you have to fill in the blanks Wholesale Xavier Woods Jersey , I can't spoonfeed all of it to you, let me explain:
With these phrases, you are doing three things. You are developing rapport by entering the other persons world and acknowledging their communication rather than ignoring it or dismissing it with words like "but" or "however." You are creating a frame of agreement that bonds you together, and you are opening the door to redirecting something without creating resistance. Beautiful eh?

Let me give you an example. Someone says to you, "You are totally wrong," about something. If you say, "No Wholesale Jourdan Lewis Jersey , I'm not wrong, I am right" just as strongly, are you goin